SOME BLUNT ANSWER'S

HI! REMEMBER ME?

• Not from the front.
• For what?
• Not unless I have to.

WHAT DO YOU DO?

• Nothing, I'm too busy most of the time.
• As little as possible.
• I'm lifeguard in a car wash.

WHAT NUMBER IS THIS?

• The worng one.
• How many guesses do i get?

AM I INTERRUPTING SOMETHING?

• I don't Know.What were you doin?
• Sorry, I wasn't watching. DO it again and I'll try to guess

HOW CAN U STAND TO EAT THAT STUFF?

• I can't, that's why I'm sitting down
• Easy, have you tried SMOKING it?

YOU SHOULD USE COMMON SENSE

• I don't use anything that's common.

GO TO HELL!!!

• U mean this isn't??
• Okay, but what'your address
• Sound's enticing. Can I give you a lift?

YOU MUST BE JOKING

• Sure, but u still forgot to laugh
• Guess again
• How can u tell?

WHO DO YOU THINK YOU ARE?

• I must be someone, I get lot of mail
• Right now, a victim

I DON'T TALK TO PEOPLE LIKE YOU!

• Ah. my lucky day,thank heaven for small mercies

DIDN'T YOUR MOTHER TEACH YOU MANNERS?

• Some. She taught it was rude to ask such questions.
• No, She was all like you in that respect

WHY DON'T YOU GROW UP

• As opposed to growing down?
• Could be my diet, I eat a lot of junk foods, and started smoking when I was six.

YOU SHOULD THINK BEFORE YOU SPEAK.

• But then what should I do afterwards
• I'll try, It's just that I am so used to thinking before u speak.
• Why should I have an unfair advantage?You sure you wouldn't feel left out?

DON'T GET SMART WITH ME.

• Okay I'll be dumb.
• I didn't think it was possible to get smart with you.

ARE YOU GOING TO ANSWER MY QUESTION?

• I doubt it. But its too early to say for sure.
• If you promise not to question answer.
• Will you get mad and leave if i say, No.

HOW COULD U DO SUCH A THING....

• A lot of practice. I try harder.
• Oh,lot of different ways. I just happen to like this.

WHAT'S THE MATTER WITH YOU?

• You.
• Indigestion.
• Guilt. I feel bad about killing the last person who asked me this question.

HAVE YOU CONSIDERED THE CONSEQUENCES?

• Damn, I KNEW there was something I had forgotten.
• I thought I wud leave it to you.

IS YOUR WORK MORE THAN OUR RELATIONSHIP?

• To my boss, it is.
• That's fascianting question. I'd like to try that one on the computer.

CAN'T WE STAY FRIENDS?

• Of course, I intend to stay friends with lots of people.
• We probably can.Look how long we've stayed enemies. Why not? We need a change.
• You're staying?

HOW COME I'VE NEVER HEARD OF YOU?

• Because I move in mysterious ways.
• I can't answer that untill I know whom you HAVE heard of.
• Because I wasn't named Christ,Hitler or.....

DO YOU STILL LOVE ME?

• STILL? You beleived all that stuff I told you?
• You know, you're the third person who's asked me that today.
• Don't get personal.

HOW COME A PRETTY GIRL LIKE YOU ISN'T MARRIED?

• How come an ugly person like you is?
• Beacuse I'm more selective than you are.

YOU STILL HERE?

• Not that I know of
• Partially
• I'm not sure of. Have you got a mirror on you?

I HOPE YOU'VE FINALLY LEARNED YOUR LESSON.

• That's your first wish, you have two more.
• Is'nt the human mind wonderful?

COME ON, SMILE!

• Come on,die!
• Why? You're leaving?

YOU DO THAT JUST TO UPSET ME.

• It's Working?!
• Can you think of a better reason?

p.s These are from the latest book I read by Donald Carroll